Thinking Paper: Our new Metropolitan Police chief - All you need to know

By Ron Ford Golightly

Abstract

There's a new Metropolitan Police Chief. He has a double barreled name. He was born because his parents had sex with each other.

Our new Metropolitan Police chief - All you need to know

The other week someone actually applied for the job of Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police. Yeah, I know...?!

Then he got the job and here’s some details about him:

• Our new Met police chief commissioner is called Bernard Hogan-Howe. In 1958 Mr Hogan and Miss Howe fell in love. They cemented their love with a physical display of affection and called him Bernard.

• He is said to be a dour Yorkshire man, but we like to think he likes nothing more than kicking back with some meow meow and watching Stephen Seagal movies.

• The official line to take is that he didn’t get the job because he’s a conservative. He got it because he is a conservative.

• It has been said that when you look into his steely blue eyes, you can see a young dreamer who just got caught up in the wrong crowd. Just like Eric Pickles, he actually wanted to be a struggling artist who got to have sex with really attractive women who fell in love with his idealistic world view.