12 September 2011

Thinking Paper #92 - Blue movie

By Roger Daring


The IIPBA has seen been passed leaked Whitehall documents which reveal a murky deal struck between the Conservative Government and Friends and the BBC.

The paper suggests that the Conservative Government and Friends have agreed not to cut the BBC’s budget for the next three economic cycles on the condition that the BBC produce a film about David Cameron’s life entitled ‘David: Champion Amongst Men’.

The film chronicles David’s rise from snotty rich kid to snotty rich adult via Eton, the Bullingdon Club and Millbank Tower. Key scenes centre around Dave, George and Boris enjoying a nude, champagne hot tub and striking corporate mega deals.

One of the most startling revelations, announced in a chapter entitled ‘and red conservatism was born,’ is that Michael Gove is the lovechild of Maggie Thatcher and Ken Livingstone who both appear in the film to re-enact the conception scene.The film ends with Dave burning down the state with the help of his loveable hound ‘Disraeli’ (voiced by Nick Clegg) and declaring Eton the new ‘little big society HQ.’

Other starring members of the cabinet include Vince Cable as ‘Monty’ - the overly-affectionate headmaster of Eton and Danny Alexander, who makes a brief appearance as Mr Patel in a scene in which David, Champion Amongst Men, shows his affection for ‘the common man’.

David released a statement saying ‘My life is a bit like that, it has just taken longer.’ The IIPBA hopes that this disparity will not continue to grow.


Whilst most have been stunned by such a detailed account of the Champion’s early years, some critics have noted that he retains a full head of hair throughout the film, thwarting its attempts to be realistic.
  • The IIPBA originally rated the film 2 stars, this was increased to 3 on account of a fantastic, arty shot of George Osbourne’s elbow. Phwoarr!
  • The Daily Mail gave it 5 stars, calling it ‘a thrilling account of our dear leader’
  • This film is rated ‘12A’ as it contains scenes of partial nudity and moderate sneering at poor people.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Say things here...