2 September 2011

Friday's thinking points‏

By Ron Ford Golightly and Tim Massingberd James

This week's news in full:
  • Another political autobiography is released which sets out what we already knew. Everyone acts surprisingly suprised at the revelations.
  • The Centre for Policy Studies issues a report saying soldiers should set up their own schools for some reason, as someone quietly whispers out that soldiers can already become teachers, and hardly any of them want to.
  • The "great debate" over banking reform rages on: Dave calls time on the "bashing"; Vince calls for a little bit more; George backs something about a "firewall"; and Sir John Vickers, the man making the recommendations that will only be listened to if they are electorally sound, is preparing some "tough rhetoric".
  • Muammar Gaddafi steps up his bid for an insanity plea at the International Criminal Court.
  • International Development Minister Alan "Hunky Dunky" Duncan, said he forgot that he has links to Swiss based oil firm Vitol, and anyway, that had nothing to do with them securing an oil contract with Libya's rebel National Transitional Council (NTC). He said "look" and then things like "disingenuous".
  • Evidence emerges that boredom has overtaken infidelity as the main reason for divorce, as concerns mount that life on earth has absolutely no point at all.
  • Ed Miliband asks Silvio Berlusconi to draw up plan C to secure the rescue of the global economy. He is also looking to commission Nigerian president, Goodluck Jonathan (yes, this is his real name) to draw up a back up plan just in case Berlusconi gets distracted by 17 year old prostitutes.
  • The same old Tory party are said to be the same old Tory party. Shaun Woowar takes a well deserved break.

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