23 September 2011

Thinking Paper # 113: Labour Party Conference: the League of Forgotten Ex Cabinet Ministers

By Ron Ford-Golightly


Last week we enjoyed some Tory bashing at the Liberal Democrat conference. Three people attended and one of those was Chris Huhne’s wife, who was there just to heckle his speech. Up next, Ed Miliband and his lonely hearts club band.
Ed Miliband’s silly face conference - predictions
  • An empty conference room will go apoplectic every time Ed Balls screams “too far, too fast” whilst gripping his johnson really tightly.
  • Then the other Ed with the funny face will step up. The lisp and the nose will echo around a chamber that reflects Ed’s insides - empty. Inside he will be crying, but he will rage on and on about something or other. He will announce nothing and he will do it badly.
  • The evil Tories will be blamed for destroying the NHS, the police service and the economy.
  • Justine Miliband will introduce her husbands key note speech, but, going off script, she will break down and admit that Ed Miliband is incapable of love whilst confessing to the nation that the marriage was one of convenience. After completing a 30 minute tirade she will fall asleep on stage and catch up on some sleep, following years of lying next to the noise of someone snoring in an insecure fashion.
  • Gordon Brown will fail to pick up a single mention throughout the whole week.
  • Tony Blair will hold a fringe event in which he collects signatures for an e-petition to bomb Iran
Up next week… Dave, Gideon and the army of double barrels.

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