Thinking Paper #127 - Pickings from the Pickler

By Roger Daring

Abstract

The IIPBA is overjoyed to welcome the return of Eric ‘The Pickler’ Pickles to the front page of our wonderful printed newssheets.


Pickings from the Pickler

The Pickler has some plans - big, warbling, oversized plans with chins that make necks and necks that make chins. He wants to get the bins collected more, lots bloody more.

Despite the harsh economic conditions that have not only caused millions of people to slip ‘n’ slide further towards poverty, but has also convinced the sun to physically hide from our economy all summer - the first ‘terrified sun’ on meteorological record, the magnificent Pickler has stumped up 250 “buckaroons” (millions) to pick up smaller piles of rubbish more regularly, rather than larger piles less regularly.

The Daily Mail briefly paused its never-ending, high-pitched scream to pat good ole’ Eric on the chin (back?) before continuing its unremitting wail.

Concluding remarks

At the IIPBA we don’t produce much waste, Ron occasionally chucks a bit of paper in the bin. Tim, now and again, leaves a wholly holey sock in the recycling, Jacinta sweeps up some pencil sharpenings whilst furrowing her sweet, sweet brow and working on her next piece of magnificence. Despite this ecological pin print, we think Pickler’s rubbish policy proves that he should be promoted from Communities Secretary to World Secretary of the Post Bureaucratic Age. Yeah, you show ‘em Eric, you and your rubbish.

The irony that ‘the Pickler’ wants to pick up rubbish more regularly to stop it from pickling on the street did not escape us. In fact it has been the topic of numerous guffaws all afternoon.

Eric’s rise to fame and glory has convinced the Conservative leadership to give him a cameo role in Blue Movie (see Thinking Paper #92) - as Jabba the Pickler, Lord Commander of the Bullingdon Club.