26 September 2011

Thinking Paper #118: Ed Balls: Plan D- and a new spray tan‏

By Ron Ford Golightly

Abstract

Shirley Valentine, the IIPBA's favourite fictional film character, once said that "Political speeches are rather like sex - a lot of pushing and shoving, but very little to show for it at the end". Aside from his new spray tan, what did we learn from Ed Balls' speech today?

Plan D- and a new spray tan‏

The IIPBA sets out its 5 point plan for growth:

1. Ed Miliband is his best friend. Our Westminster sources tell us that they like to have boiled eggs together on the weekend over the Guardian crossword.

2. His speech writer knows how to cut and paste selective quotes from IMF documents to prove some political point or other. Political speech writers across all parties also know the old ctrl + alt + c move thus cancelling out each other’s efforts.

3. Ed Balls knows people in his constituency or pretends to and then quotes them in speeches. This is a cunning trick performed by politicians to give the impression that they actually speak to real people.

4. Ed Balls has made some early running for Labour's 2015 election phrasing opting for "There is a better way". I prefer "Things can only get better" by Professor Brian Cox OBE and the D-Ream-ers.

5. He and Labour want to appear more responsible by using the word "responsible" more times than those pesky Tory's. In fact, we might be seeing the first shift away from the "too far, too fast" lines (only referenced 4 times) and hurtling imaginatively towards "responsibility" (referenced 7 times)

Concluding Remarks

Shirley Valentine also once said that "if YOU had to speak for half an hour about something you didn't know much about, you'd also sound irrelevant".

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