14 September 2011

Thinking Paper # 98: BREAKING NEWS - Plan B is here

By Ron Ford Golightly

Abstract

Nick Clegg has gone off message! Aaaaahhhh. This afternoon, barring any last minute "glad bagging" from Dave and George's SPADS, Nick Clegg will deliver a speech at the London School of Economics which outlines a "gear shift" / Plan B to get more economic growth going in good old Blighty.



The Details

Our political leaks team found extracts of Cleggs speech on a bendy bus underneath the bottom of a rather attractive older lady from Venezuela. The extracts state that "Plan B is here so shut your face Ed Balls. We've always had a plan B yeah (pause for cheering). We have planned 4,000 projects to go ahead around the country, but this is different from Gordon Brown's "Building Britain's Future" plan, but we are definitely trying to build Britains future." The speech goes on to outline plans to build train lines (hmm, Phil "the haircut" Hammond's super fast trains anyone?), to install high speed broadband in key areas (hmm, enterprise zones announced last year anyone?) and improvement to motorways (ongoing work that never ever seems to stop on our roads... anyone? Dig up road, tarmac road, dig up road, tarmac road - repeat forever until humans die out and nature wins).

Concluding Remarks

Labour's "Building Britains Future" is back on track people - it's just being headed up by someone with a more pleasant face and marginally better polling.

* BREAKING NEWS *

Ed Balls' SPAD re-works Labour lines to read "We urge the Conservative led Government to implement a plan C to get the economy moving".

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