By Ron Ford Golightly
Abstract
It's bloody hot isn't it? That's what the word on the street is. Now, if snow causes a drop in economic growth and Pippa Middleton's bottom causes a hike, what does unseasonal warmth do? The IIPBA looks at the liklihood of climate change rescuing George's hopes of sticking to Plan A.
It's hot!
Last night the IIPBA carried out a field study on a boat pub on the river Thames and, after a couple of drinks and some keen observing, came to two strong conclusions:
1. During periods of warm weather rich people who live in Chelsea get in their speed boats and tear up and down the river. They drink champagne from flutes made out of the hands of endangered Pandas and they buy extra nice chinos, boating shoes and open neck shirts that cost more than I earn in a week running the IIPBA
2. The British public drink more. This leads to a) spending more money in pubs and therefore supporting the drink industry b) buying more fatty food on the way home from the pub because it's a good idea therefore supporting the kebab industry and c) making more erratic online purchasing decisions specifically related to porn therefore supporting the porn industry.
3. When it is hot, ugly girls seem to think it acceptable to smoke drugs and display "side boob" and folds of fat at boat pubs, and no one bats an eyelid.
4. Doesn't it feel like being on holiday?
Concluding Comments
It's nice when it's hot isn't it. People are happier.
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