9 September 2011

Friday's Thinking Points

By Ron Ford Golightly and Tim Massingberd James
  • Savers have definitely not lost £43bn because of low interest rates. They never freaking had it.
  • Larry the Downing Street Cat is a lazy layabout who likes shagging upper class lady cats. Considering he is a cat, the IIPBA is not surprised, but really thinks something should be done about the Feline Broken Society.
  • Gideon George Osborne done an "off the cuff joke" about masturbating over pictures of politicians in magazines. The IIPBA has it on good authority that no one has ever done this. Besides, Gideon is actually a eunoch, who only got a wife as one of the conditions of him becoming joining the Bilderberg.
  • People continue to be hysterically confusing about the economy - the IIPBA calls for a defiantly quantitative tone of growth contraction accompanied by a great strategy of money and double dipping in a pot of Plan B which consists of touching up interest rates, flagellating ourselves and rinsing Simon Cowbell for every dollar that he has stuffed up his tight little t-shirt.
  • If a gypsy wins a competition on a channel no one watches, does it make a sound? Hopefully not.
  • News that the UK's armed forces and intelligence services engage in bad stuff during periods of conflict makes the headlines.
  • Obama pledges hundreds of billions of pounds of other people's money to give everyone their jobs back. You have a job and loads of money Barry. It's alright for you.
  • Cheryl Gillan, Secretary of State for Wales, appeared to be wearing a hoody in Parliament during Prime Ministers Qusestions. Our imagined scenario involves her Parliamentary assistant running around trying to find an alternative after she spilled boiled egg on her blouse earlier in the morning.
  • Everyone paints their faces for some sort of boring sports day on the other side of the world.
  • As predicted by the IIPBA, Ed Miliband begins his first PMQs with a new haircut - a tighter side parting from the left with a larger flash of grey. Cute!

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