19 September 2011

Thinking Paper #105: The IIPBA’s advice to Nick Clegg

By Ron Ford Golightly

Abstract

It has been evident for some time now that Gideon Osborne’s electoral strategy is to pin as much of the shit on the Lib Dems as possible in the hope of winning a Tory majority at the next election. We are fairly sure that Nick Clegg is aware of this, hence the absence of happiness in his life since around May 2010 and his wife‘s insistence that they get as far away from British politics as they can after 2015. We look at a range of possible strategies.

The IIPBA’s advice to Nick Clegg

The Lib Dem conference this week confirms our worst fears, Gideon is succeeding. The IIPBA offers the following advice:
  • Publicly sacrifice Chris Huhne. Aztec Kings used to prosper magnificently from this kind of activity. Of course we don’t condone murder, a demotion to a junior Minister post within DCMS should suffice.
  • Change your name to George Osborne and start putting on a bit of weight. This will a) confuse the voters and b) allow you to run against Boris for Prime Minister in 2020.
  • Get Vince “the cable” Cable to appear on Strictly come Dancing alongside Cheryl Cole
  • Have an affair - Boris has loads and people seem to love him for it (see upcoming thinking paper: Boris Johnson - Champion of women's rights?)
All the best, the IIPBA

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