20 October 2011

Thinking Paper #165: Cheryl Gillan - True or False‏

By Ron Ford Golightly

Abstract

The true of false series continues apace with a look at the strange world of the Secretary of State for Wales, Cheryl "I'll wear what I bloody-well like" Gillan.


Cheryl Gillan - True or False‏

Before I begin, I need to declare a conflict of interest. Cheryl Gillan is my favourite Cabinet minister, just ahead of Grant "that worthless piece of processed meat" Shapps. Now let us begin (scroll to the bottom for the answers):

A.) Cheryl Gillan once wore a hoody in the House of Commons during PMQs because she had spilt a boiled egg down her blouse ahead of the big shouting match.

B.) One of her middle names is Kendall because for the first 3 years of her life she only ate Kendall mint cake. This is said to be her favourite mountain based snack.

C.) She always sits within camera shot of David Cameron during PMQs because his special advisers want it to appear as though he employs lots of women. He's a bit sensitive about this.

D.) Cheryl has used three-word alliterative phrases (e.g. "she sells seashells") 554 times during Parliamentary debates — this is well above average amongst MPs.

E.) Her new winter coat is made of fake Gorilla fur stolen from the wardrobe of Sigourney Weaver.

Answers:

A) True, B) False, C) True, D) True, E) True (according to our sources close to Sigourney Weaver).

Next week: Grant "I definitely have an iPad" Shapps

2 comments:

  1. Is it also true that Cheryl is the only Cabinet minister without a University Degreee?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tim Massingberd-James22 October 2011 at 11:43

    Is that right?

    ReplyDelete

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