1 October 2011

Thinking Paper #129: Happy birthday Theresa May

By Ron Ford Golightly


Our beloved Home Secretary, Theresa May, was born this very day in 1956. She is 55 today. The IIPBA celebrates this with a look back over her life from the perspective of someone who makes things up.

Happy birthday Theresa May

Mrs May was born in a barn and as a result never, ever closes doors behind her. She went on to excel in the arena of education where she specialised in making things out of egg boxes and silver foil. She is an avid fan of Organ hour on Radio 2 on Thursday evenings. Her favourite organ is the 1963 Berwick which is currently on loan to Bolton town hall.

Ever since she was 4 years old she has wanted to be Home Secretary. Her dream came true in 2010 following the decision by the good people of Britannia to see off that giant scrotum, Gordon Brown.

In her spare time she likes to upload videos of Cabinet Ministers doing funny things onto YouTube; prank call Baroness Neville Jones; and read erotic thrillers by a French author whose name escapes me.

She will be spending her birthday with her red ministerial box. They have a table booked at the Pizza Express in Victoria for 8pm. After their meal, they plan to go across the road and watch Billy Elliott the musical.

Happy Birthday Home Secretary

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