Thinking Paper #131: Long Live the Weekly Collection‏

By Alexis Horner

Abstract

Grabbing a hefty £250 million from Camo’s back pocket, Pick-lés has claimed that our rubbish will be swiftly swiped away to some lovely landfill off the Pacific coast on a weekly, rather than fortnightly, basis. The IIPBA nabbed Pick-lés’ ‘Bring-the-bin-men-back-bill’ whilst he was face down in an Italian ham sandwich.

Long Live the Weekly Collection‏

Here’s what might be in store:

• Each bin will be adorned with the beautiful face of Pick-lés. Like those excellent cookie-jars you had as a kid, each time the lid is opened, you’ll get an audible slap on the back from Pick-lés himself.

• The rubbish collectors will be uniformed in wipe-clean M&S suits and royal blue ties: don’t forget who’s running this joint, yeah?

• Forget the ice-cream van, these rubbish vans are going to be pimped up by the newly lorded Tim Westwood. When we gave Lord Westwood a call, he gave the following statement: “Pick-les is a badman, I’ve been pimpin up these rides proper.”

• Pick-lés will be permanently banned from repeating his soundbite that 'It’s a basic right for every English man and woman to be able to put the remnants of their chicken tikka masala in their bin without having to wait a fortnight for it to be collected' after studies found that his doing this is a mental picture that makes six in ten Britons be a little bit sick in their mouth.

Here at the IIPBA, we’re excited. Word.