Thinking Paper #141 - Are our politicians more effective when they don't give a shit?

By Tim Massingberd James

Abstract

Knowing that even if he were reshuffled, he could just sit back with loafers up smoking a fat cigar and having a 'good lunch' every day, Ken “Big Beast” Clarke has been giving Theresa May a kicking in recent days. Isn't it nice to see a politician who really doesn't seem to care?



Ken's Greatest Hits

Mischevous child-like sprite Guido Fawkes said today that Ken Clarke has decided to have another bash at making the Home Secretary look stupid, by accusing Theresa May of using “laughable child-like” examples that were a “parody” of court judgements.

The IIPBA loves it when Ken goes on one of his benders of calling everyone else twats, for two reasons. The first is that he's usually right, and the second is that Ken is, and always has been, very good at his job. When someone is doing a good job, it's hard to sack them for speaking the truth, even if you are the Prime Minister.

Ken's reshuffling has been predicted more times than the IIPBA has had hot skinny-mocha-latte-chinos, with the Mail calling for him to be reshuffled for not wanting to lock up everyone who has ever held a kitchen knife, just about everyone calling for him to be reshuffled for calling rape “a bit of slap and tickle” (we'll admit this one shows Ken's not always perfect) and others calling for him to be sacked for falling asleep during a pretty tedious budget.

The Sun hates him, and has been predicting his demise for about a year, and the IIPBA will openly concede he'll probably be gone in Cameron's first reshuffle, but that is the beauty of Ken's position. If you know you're probably going to be moved aside at some point, and you aren't that bothered, you have the perfect opportunity to accuse Theresa May of being a “lying bag lady” and tell David Cameron that imprisoning people for carrying a potato peeler is bloody stupid.

Conclusion

Keep up the good work Ken. The IIPBA suggests you have some fun with it. Consider calling Grant Shapps a “measly little twat”, insisting that all Cabinet Ministers spend for a full week in a prison, and tormenting Theresa May until she tells teacher.