4 October 2011

Thinking Paper #134: What's that lad Hilton been up to? ?‏


A look back over Steve Hilton's summer with Ron Ford Golightly...

Abstract

As one his biggest fans, the IIPBA decided to take a step back from the mega-politics of the week (e.g. all this talk about Mike Penning) and have a look at what Steve Hilton has been upto of late.

Declaration

On a personal level, the IIPBA has always loved Steve Hilton, right from his shiny bonce down to his little hairy toes.

Latest activities

In July, as recorded by our very own Jacinta, Steve took a holiday to Hungary where he researched new policy ideas such as National Ghoulash day. Jeremy Heywood slapped his bottom for this one and told him to stop being a "right little sausage".

In August, he bought a new pair of socks and declared his feet a "National blue sky thinking zone". Rohan Silva (that little upstart) tried to claim this as his idea and also started to walk around Downing Street without any shoes on. One senior advisor within No10 said that "Larry the cat was getting a little bit fed up with all of this infighting". He added "Larry's had enough, he wants out".

In September, Steve featured in several political news diaries as the culprit behind Larry's demotion to chief "earwig catcher". Sources suggest that Larry and Steve are no longer on speaking terms.

Moving into October, Steve was caught paying for George Osbourne's "crispy duck" and (the simply divine) Kate Fall's "deep fried won-ton" in a late night Chinese takeaway parlour. Steve was said to be "completely fucked off" at having to pay for millionaires to eat food. We hear you Steve.

Conclusion

As the Tory conference gets in to full swing expect to see Steve's footprints over a few Cabinet Ministers portfolios.

Rasputin is dead long live Hil-ton.

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