12 October 2011

Thinking Paper #149: Gus O'Donnell - An IIPBA tribute‏

By Ron Ford Golightly

Abstract

Terrible news folks, the Cabinet secretary and head of civil service, Gus O'Donnell has decided to retire. The IIPBA pays tribute.

Gus O'Donnell - An IIPBA tribute

Here at the IIPBA, we quite like Gus, mainly because his intials are GOD, but also because he seems like a thoroughly bloody good chap.

Gus has been a civil servant since he was 4 years old. At the age of 4 and a half he officially became a girl as part of his family's "Equality and Diversity Strategy". At 5 he implemented his first "far reaching inquiry" and by the age of 8 he had executed his first "cross Whitehall reform programme". At the age of nine he received top marks in his "Balanced scorecard appraisal" and was chosen to one day be the highest ranking Civil Servant in the country.

Up until his announced retirement today aged 59, Gus did loads of stuff including reprimanding Tony Blair for putting his feet up on the Cabinet table and telling Gordon Brown that he should cut down on his intake of scotch eggs. During his time as Press Secretary to the Prime Minister from 1990 to 1994, he was also responsible for telling John Major the cricket scores, after Norman Lamont banned Test Match Special from Cabinet Meetings.

When asked by the IIPBA what his favourite bit about being a civil servant was, he replied working flexi-time (he is currently a hundred hours down, but hopes this will be forgotten when he leaves) "going on the internet all day", and the gold-plated taxpayers money pension.

Conclusion

Happy retirement GOD.

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