14 October 2011

Thinking Paper #155 - Considering #jockeygate

By Tim Massingberd James

Abstract

Jockey Richard Hughes has pledged to give up his riding licence after being told off for whipping a horse. Other jockeys are said to be considering a sympathy strike. The IIPBA asks if anyone cares.

Considering #jockeygate

Someone has said that Jockeys shouldn't whip their horses as much any more. For those not in the know, jockeys are the small fellers who ride everywhere on horseback. Occasionally they get paid to race each other, whilst people in suits jeer and throw money at them. In retirement they usually become leprechauns.

Richard Hughes is their leader. He has a Spaniel called Alan, his favourite type of oil is WD40, his best friend is the 'comedian' Lee Evans, and his favourite Radio 4 Programme is You and Yours. Richard and his chums seem to think they have a god-given right to whip horses loads of times and the horsing people say a little bit of whipping is acceptable, but not loads.

The Jockeying industry is at a standstill, and whilst the IIPBA isn't classist, no one would argue that the upper classes are more likely to go to the horsing. As such, we can only think of one viable solution.

The Solution

Richard Hughes should be allowed to ride a saddled (Lord) Julian Fellowes for twelve furlongs, making liberal use of the whip during the entire length of the ride. If Fellowes makes it to the end of the course alive, whipping will be allowed to continue, and Hughes will be reinstated. If he fails to complete the course, the limit on whip use will remain intact and Hughes will be made to serve his ban. If Fellowes falls, he and Hughes will be put to death and converted into glue.

Conclusion

The IIPBA hasn't been on a staff away day to the races since the heady days of the late 1990s. We didn't even know horses still existed, but we have always prided ourselves on being a bastion of fairness, and this appears to be the only fair solution.

2 comments:

  1. Ha - this is brilliant. I dont know who Lord Fellowes is, but i for one would pay upwards of £10 for a stick of his glue

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fellowes is that piggy little chap who created recent ITV series "posh abbey"

    ReplyDelete

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