17 October 2011

Thinking Paper # 158: #OccupyLSX - Why so angry?

By Tim Massingberd James

Abstract

A handful of angry kids have shown up outside St Paul's Cathedral, playing the trumpet and waving placards claiming to represent 99% of humanity. Unlike real politicians, no one elected them and as a percentage of the total population of London alone they represent a infinitesimally small percentage. Nevertheless, they are attention seeking and it is hard for the BBC to ignore them. The IIPBA examines what they might be angry about.

1. Tony Blair is no longer Prime Minister.

Let's be honest, everyone misses Tony a bit. You knew you were ok when Tony was around, and these kids must have been very young when he stood down. It can't have been easy when suddenly Tony was ripped from their lives at such a young age. Bring back Tony and they'll forget all about it.

2. They grew up in a very middle class safe environment and want something to be angry at

Don't we all a little bit? It was supposed to make us all happy being affluent and having everything we ever wanted but actually we still don't feel totally happy. They, and we, need something to be angry about and the bankers are it.

3. They copy literally everything liberal America does

They start wearing skinny jeans, we start wearing skinny jeans. They start riding fixed-wheel bikes, we start riding fixed wheel bikes. They constantly gush about how amazing The Wire is, we constantly gush about how amazing The Wire is. They occupy Wall Street, we occupy the London Stock Exchange. We are the ones who don't have enough intelligence to not copy everything we seen on the Daily Show.

4. There aren't any decent wars at the moment

See point 1. The truth is, Libya was over fairly quickly and we were helping opressed people (albeit to get some lucrative oil contracts). When your troops arent bogged down in a quagmire of foreign dissidents, and aren't sending ten flag-draped coffins a week its harder to rail against war. Besides, if we hated wars at the moment we'd have to hate Obama, and we LURVE him.

5. Something about the bankers.

We're really angry at the stock exchange. The numbers go up and down and we don't quite understand it. I think we hate the FTSE more than the DOW JONES and the CAC quarante, but I'm not sure. Let's have a vote about it where we all wave our hands.

Conclusion

Idiots

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