30 August 2011

Thinking Paper #76: Shaun Woodward - True or False‏

By Ron Ford-Golightly


On Sunday morning I found myself staring into the vacant eyes of Shaun Woodward MP, head of Labour's Tory Winning Attack Team (TWAT). Shaun has outlined a political strategy which, as the IIPBA recently discovered, has left Steve Hilton (Chief Masseuse to the Prime Minister) and Andrew Cooper (Head of political strategy in No10) shitting bricks.

The Detail

Shaun Woodward MP has spent the past year retaking a GCSE course in political strategy and has decided that David Cameron is "right wing". Three things that this piece of strategy ignores:
  1. Gordon Brown tried to paint Dave as "right wing" at the election and this didn't prove particularly popular
  2. A raft of "studies" which suggest that the British public actually quite like a bit of right winggery - reducing immigrant numbers, stringing up rioters, bringing back the death penalty and providing state support for the Daily Mail.
  3. Ed Miliband is visually and audibly quite silly.
Final Comments
  1. Shaun Woodward should remove all d's from his surname and become Shaun Woowar - I for one would try harder to listen to someone called Shaun Woowar
  2. Shaun Woodward regularly shops in Sainsbury's where he gets 15% family discount
  3. Labour should try a bit harder
  4. Shaun Woodward doesn't have a butler, and we should all stop going on about it at every available opportunity.

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