26 August 2011

Friday's thinking points

With Ron Ford-Golightly and Tim Massingberd-James

Friday's thinking points

This week's almost news in bullets:
  • 100% of the world will be fat by 2012 if we don't all learn an ancient and forgotten skill called 'will power'.
  • Kim Jong Il travels to Russia after hearing about Vladmir Putin's brand new 40 strong squad of gun toting female virgin bodyguards
  • Colonel Gadaffi is caught in Chad looking a bit dehydrated. He is mistaken for dead popstar Michael Jackson and is subsequently signed up for a World Comeback Tour.
  • David Cameron fits in his first holiday of 2011 whilst Nick Clegg stays home and re-paints his front room using the "Dulux dog technique".
  • The Government decide that they were being a bit hasty when they said that they were going to restrict the use of social media following the recent riots. When asked to comment, No10 said that they didn't even know what a "knee jerk u-turn" was.
  • Prisons Minister Crispin Blunt wins The Spectator magazine's hastiest remark of the year award after telling the BBC that: "The wave of riots was a one off event".
  • Chief Executive of Amstrad Steve Jobs resigns over fears he will never invent anything better than a phone-which-also-does-email.
  • The International Coalition of Hotel Maids (ICHM) issue Dominique Strauss-Khan with a fatwa.
  • Warren Buffett calls on American billionaires to pay the absolute minimum of tax they can get away with whilst staying technically within the rules.
  • Andy Coulson loses his parliamentary pass, or something or other, and Tom Watson MP considers it a week's work.

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