25 August 2011

Thinking Paper #73 – What next for Nat Rothschild and Peter Mandelson?

By Tim Massingberd-James

Abstract

If the Daily Mail is correct, with things not looking too rosy for Saif Gaddafi, Nat Rothschild and Peter Mandelson will need a new wingman. We examine the options.



Wingman

If, as suggested by the Daily Mail, Saif Gaddafi is one of Mandy and Nat Rothschild's drinking buddies, they'll probably be in need of a replacement whatever happens. Looking around the world for a successor who could fill Saif's boots, there are surprisingly few obvious options with the same gravitas.

We have, however, managed to come up with a few candidates who might be free to take up the role:
  • Kim Jong Nam – Eldest son of Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong Nam is most famous for being detained in Tokyo for trying to get to Disneyland on a fake Dominican passport. It strikes the IIPBA that this probably wouldn't wash with Mandy and Nat, but maybe they could bully him, like the fat kid at a public school.
  • Gideon – It's been long enough now since the big bust up with Mandy, and George Osborne is a bit annoying being on the telly all the time. Now is the time for him to become friends with Nat and Mandy again, leading inevitably to him becoming embroiled in another big scandal which gives all the papers a chance to bring out those pictures of him 'posing with a self-confessed prostitute and cocaine user'.
  • Bruce Willis – Bruce is too fat to be an action hero now, and doesn't look good in a dirty vest any more. He is also rather rich, and even occasionally acts reasonably. Acting might help him to act interested in all the boring bollocks Mandy and Nat would bray with laughter with their pals about, but on the downside he did actually earn - rather than inherit - his money. Bruce would also probably get a bit bored though, as he has much cooler friends.
  • Aliko Dangote – Aliko is the richest man in Africa, with a net worth of $13.8 billion, and recently bought himself a $45 million Bombardier aircraft for his birthday. This sounds pretty cool, and he spends time between Nigeria and London, which would make it easy to stop off on Nat's yacht half way between. He seems quite interested in cement though. Not sure how this would go down with Mandy, who likes cooler things like finance and inherited wealth.
  • Sean Parker – You know...the Justin Timberlake character in The Social Network. Sean founded Napster ages ago and is also something to do with Facebook. Again, he seems a bit too cool for Mandy and Nat, but maybe he could get them into more parties.
  • Silvio Berlusconi – Probably also down a drinking buddy if Saif's dad is out of the picture, Silvio needs someone to hang out with, especially as he's not standing again to be Italian PM. Mandy might not have much fun at a Bunga Bunga, but Silvio does have loads of cash, which both Mandy and Nat like.

Conclusion


Obviously Gideon. You knew that though, yeah? He and Nat were in the Bullingdon together. Buller boys are always loyal, even if Gideon is an annoying little twat.

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