Thinking Paper #46 - Should the police cry more?

By Tim Massingberd-James.

Abstract

The police have been criticised by self-declared "community leaders" in Tottenham for refusing dialogue following the death of Tottenham man, Mark Duggan, whilst the Deputy Assistant Commissioner for the Metropolitan Police, Commander Steve Kavanagh, was keen to stress in an interview on Sky News this morning that the police had been "standing next to these people, watching them cry". Should the police be talking to people and, if necessary, having a bit of a cry themselves, or did the rioting only occur because Tottenham is sh#t?


Should the police cry more?

Sometimes policemen get very angry, and worry that their mummies didn't love them enough. They have feelings, but they don't really understand them and so when they get the chance to hit people like Ian Tomlinson they fill up with anger and hit him really really hard, even though he didn't do anything wrong, or deserve it.

However, sometimes real people get angry too, and burn things. They also like free iphone 4s and robbing JJB sports, and when life has no meaning robbing and burning things doesn't really matter.

Stephen Kavanagh seems to think that standing watching people cry is good enough, but here at the IIPBA we think the police should be talking to people and maybe having a little cry themselves. Whilst this will never overcome the joy young men take from burning things or robbing stuff, it might make them think about their mummies and how they didn't always feel so angry.

If necessary, both sides of the rioting (probably no more than 200 people) could be sent to a camp in the Peak District where they could all have a little cry, as well as - if the need arises - burning and breaking things in a controlled environment away from other people, and having a bit of fight.

Conclusion

Spending a couple of grand on a crying camp for police and rioters may draw attention away from the fact that Tottenham is sh#t. It's worth the money. The IIPBA thinks this is exactly the kind of lightweight solution that duty Minister Lynne Featherstone MP would love. For some reason she has been left in charge of the riots so the IIPBA would like to make her a straightforward offer to organise the camp, as long as we can skim off 20% for 'administration' costs.