24 August 2011

Thinking Paper #70: Where is Col Muammar Gaddafi?‏

By Ron Ford-Golightly

Abstract

With Tripoli all but overrun by rebels, Muammar Gaddafi is nowhere to be seen. Is he on a farm? Is he in Chad? In this paper we examine the possibilities.


What is he?

Silvio Berlusconi's number one drinking buddy, he was once described by Ronald Reagan as a "mad dog". Others have described him as "depressed, schizophrenic and a megalomaniac". I like the sound of him. Anwar Sadat, a former colleague of mad dogs, called him "unbalanced and immature".

On the more positive end of the spectrum, Fidel Castro said he was "reckless", Yasser Arafat said he was the "knight of revolutionary phrases" (?) and Jacinta Burrow of the IIPBA said that he "looked like a shaven testicle". By his own estimation, Gaddafi considers himself an intellectual and a philosopher. Brilliant. If we're just allowed to make things up, I'm an episcopalian and a polymath.

Where is he?

According to media hype and a fair dollop of bollocks he is omnipotent. The FT, Guardian and others say that he is in Tripoli. Others state that he has "gone to ground". At The Daily Telegraph HQ in SW1, a journalist randomly types words into a keyboard and suggests that Gaddafi is hidden on a "farm". Thanks Raf Sanchez. At least Raf was specific enough to suggest a type of building.

Various other papers randomly throw darts at a map and say things like "he may have crossed the border into Chad". Chad? Are you sure? Chad is rubbish. Other random dart throwing suggests that he is staying at Nelson Mandela's house in South Africa or with Hugo Chavez in Venezuela. William Hague says that he "definitely" doesn't know where Gaddafi is. Good for you William. The IIPBA never doubted the presence of your MOJO.

Conclusion

No one knows where he is. However, I did see Eric Pickles the other day in the Victoria area window shopping for sandwiches. The End.

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