12 August 2011

Thinking Paper # 54: Friday's Thinking Bullets‏

By Ron Ford Golightly

The IIPBA's choice cuts from today's media coverage of the riots:
  • The UK government are planning to follow the likes of Syria, China, Iran and Libya in attempting to block the use of certain social media networks during times of social unrest. No10 commented that they didn't even know what a "knee jerk reaction" was. The IIPBA say that it will never, ever happen, but it sounds really good, like mentioning the army and speaking in a stern voice.


  • Everyone looked confused when the Prime Minister announced new police powers to ban face coverings, masks and balaclavas. The President of the National Association of Beards sounded concerned when we spoke to him on the phone.
  • A representative sample of the British public, the rather authoritarian Question Time audience, want to see really, really tough sentences for children. No one is sure what these heavier sentences might involve but members of the Question Time audience are said to favour death by rubber bullets, an enforced recreation of 1950's England on all run down estates and internships at The Daily Mail.
  • After taking 1,600 questions during a debate in the House of Commons, the Prime Minister relaxed by listening to a statement on the global financial crisis by his good friend George Osborne. He laughed dishearteningly hard at a joke that George Osborne delivered about Mickey Mouse.
  • Ironically, George Osborne's voice squeaked three times during his statement on the global financial crisis. Treasury sources state that he is seeking advice from Ed Miliband about how to sound less nasally.
  • As the global financial crisis deepens and Britain's Broom Society clears up the mess left by disgruntled pastry chefs, the Prime Minister concerned himself with Rob Flello's (MP Lab, Stoke on Trent South) poor House of Commons etiquette. Following a question about cuts to police numbers, David Cameron took time to dress him down for not wearing a jacket in the Chamber - tut, tut – Dave was later reprimanded by his wife for wearing the same tie for over a year.

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