14 November 2011

Thinking Paper # 199: Who on earth is the Lord Mayor's speech?


David Cameron addresses the world this evening in his annual Lord Mayor's speech on foreign policy.  As No10 panics because no one has actually written a speech for the PM to read, the IIPBA looks at what we can expect from His Rosyness.

So what can we expect?

1. A lovely looking Dave replete with well polished shoes and a nicely ironed tuxedo saying things like "those bloody Argies" and "I'm really getting into this war thing".

2. A carefully worded paragraph which sets out why Cameron's "liberal interventionism" is not like Tony's "liberal interventionism" despite mounting evidence to the contrary.  The IIPBA suggests going with something like "compassionate carpet bombing".

3. A significant section cut and paste from Tony's last speech calling for the bombing of Iran.  Good ol' Tone.  Dear Michael Gove, please, please, please don't think that Tony knows best all of the time.  He doesn't.  You're in love and love does terrible things to ones judgement.

4. A couple of jokes about how Colonel Gadaffi looks a bit like Michael Jackson.  I hear they're really good ones.  The type that a drunk comedian would tell at a Christmas bash in Blackpool.

5. A jolly good knees up followed by a bit of singing and maybe a fight between the Lord Mayor and the guy who's job it is to ask "brown or white roll".

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