By Ron Ford
Abstract
Patrick Mercer MP is a former army officer who once worked for Mr Top Bollocks, David Cameron. Until this weekend, he was probably most famous for having "quite significant" eyebrows. However, in what was possibly, nay, likely, to be a drunken outburst, Mr Mercer described Dave as "the worst politician in British history since William Gladstone".
What else did he say?
He added that Dave was an "arse", a "despicable creature" and had no "redeeming features". The IIPBA unequivocally denounces Mercer for the latter comment. It is a well known fact that Dave has the softest hands in the entire Commonwealth.
Should Pat get invited to more boozy parties?
According to sources, Pat "let rip" at a party in a London gallery. The IIPBA speculates that there may have been free wine. Immediately following the incident, the IIPBA carried out a survey in its tea room and came to the conclusion that 100% of its members and contributors wished to see Pat at more free wine bashes.
Concluding comments
1. The IIPBA hasn't been this entertained by a political quote since Ken "the big beast" Clarke got drunk and told Theresa May that she had a face like a "second hand sausage roll".
2. The IIPBA is really looking forward to the Christmas party season.
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