8 November 2011

Thinking Paper #194: The IIPBA's not so miserable index‏

By Ron Ford Golightly

Abstract

According to the UK's misery index, we haven't been this miserable for 19 years. Back then Tony Blair was a mere intern at the Illuminati headquarters and David Cameron was a twinkle in the King's eye.

The index of misery and hell and other such awful things including immigrants and those pesky Greeks

This index is measured by multiplying unemployment levels with inflation (cheery). Apparently we are therefore 13.3% miserable. Add to that list David Cameron's growing bald patch, Steve Hilton's tantrums, Cheryl Gillan’s choice of clothing, those pesky rioters, George Osborne's voice and the ruddy Greeks and the IIPBA is close to emotional breakdown.

The IIPBA's not so miserable index

The IIPBA's not so miserable index is calculated by multiplying how many hours people spend talking about the BBC's new documentary, The Frozen Planet, with units of alcohol consumed over the weekend. Going on our latest measure carried out today, the British population is 87.9% not so miserable. Good for you Britain.

Looking to the future, if we multiply this week’s episode of Frozen Planet by opportunities to consume alcohol next weekend and divide this by the upcoming X-Factor final, you've got quite a rosy future.

Concluding comments

Fuck you misery index - this think-tank's not for turning.

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