1 November 2011

Thinking Paper #183: Should the clergy be more creative in their solutions to the tents outside St Paul's Cathedral?

By Tim Massingberd James

Abstract

The Church of England hierarchy is threatening to get pretty flipping angry about the tents outside St Paul's Cathedral. If something isn't done about it soon, they're bloody well going to be bloody annoyed about it. Okay?

Should the clergy be more creative in their solutions to the tents outside St Paul's Cathedral?

Listening to Church of England vicars sounding annoyed about the tents outside St Paul's Cathedral is an almost constant source of amusement to the IIPBA. We like it when the Today Programme runs a feature on it. We like it when we see them on telly. We like it when we wander past on the way back from an evening drink in Smithfields. Turns out the clergy just aren't that good at being angry at stuff.

We've come up with some options, for how the Church of England could achieve quicker results:

1. Some vicars go round for a game of cricket and one of them gets 'clumsy'

“Oops, I'm terribly sorry, but we play cricket here every Tuesday in the offseason. Are your head and kneecaps ok?”

2. A horse's head inexplicably appears in one of the occupied tents overnight

“Yes, his name was dobbin. He was my favourite horse, and since he was put down yesterday, I was worried you might never meet him”

3. A 'friendly' vicar offers to protect the tent-dwellers from the rest of the clergy, who are not quite as 'friendly'.

“Listen, you don't want to mess with those guys. You should see what they did to Mrs Miggins when she failed to add anything to the collection plate. If you give me £500 I'll make sure nothing happens to you”.

Conclusion

The Church of England needs to think outside the box on this one. There's more than one way to skin a rabbit.

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