9 November 2011

Thinking Paper # 196: Student tuition fees protest - The sequel

By Ron Ford Golightly

Students, students, students.  Those well dressed, middle class little upstarts are at it again with their big hair do's and their social networking.  The IIPBA answers the big questions.

What is a student?
A student is a type of human.  They get to sleep in every day and have sex with people who are still attractive.  They read stuff and complain about essay deadlines.  They are well positioned to enjoy life and for that reason, the rest of the population resent them.
Why are they protesting?
Because they will have to pay three times as much money to do this.  But not up front mind, just when they start earning money.  In essence it means that they will probably be in debt for the rest of their lives.  Debt's good though right?  It keeps the economy going and such like.
Will there be trouble ahead?
Almost definitely, Chumbawumba will be playing at the protest concert.
What should you do if there is trouble and people start getting a bit clumsy?
Stay indoors and watch 24 hour news.  Preferably watch this with friends and say things like "those bloody students" or "broken britain, that's what this is".  Or "if he can afford a bloody iphone, then he can afford an education".  etc
What are the predicted outcomes?
The protests will knock the story about that chap who let in loads of immigrants off of the tele for a while.  And then Chumbawumba will do a come back tour to critical acclaim.
Over and out

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