19 July 2011

Thinking paper #31 – Why Tom Watson, why now?

By Tim Massingberd James


Predicted to be make indulge in the biggest amounts of pointless political grandstanding this afternoon, Tom Watson MP is a big man, but he's out of shape. Formerly Parliamentary Secretary at the Cabinet Office, Watson now chunters away from the backbenches doing nothing but scrutinise the Government wine cellars he once quaffed.It's difficult to work out what the point of the man is.

Tom Watson

Tom Watson was educated in Kidderminster, before attending the University of Hull and going on to become the Member of Parliament for West Bromwich East. He is a fat man who is friends with Gordon Brown and people said he was something to do with a Damian McBride, which is a brand of Irish Whisky

During his time in Parliament, Watson has had an expenses and done a Glenn Beck or something. He suffered the unfortunate trait of looking a bit like a pig in glasses, which led to above average scrutiny by the blogging community, who were able to easily mock up pictures of him looking like a wrong 'un.

Watson loves to talk about Murdoch, mainly because he only has a small website and wishes he was a billionaire media proprietor able to secure an attractive young asian-american wife, and most of all wishes he was the object of the attention of a tired-eyed Chipping Norton ginger. For a fat man who spent a lot of time in student politics, and has never owned a Times, it is easy to get obsessed about these things.

Watson is a member of the Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee, and as such will get a chance to ask stupid questions to Rupert Murdoch and feel like a big man as he punishes an eighty year old Australian whose parents probably never gave him enough attention, and subsequently started collecting newspapers.


Watson is an MP. They're all funny in their own little ways, and they all have an inflated sense of their own importance. Watson told the Guardian that “there is not going to be a killer blow on Tuesday. Expectations are way too high," but he didn't really believe it. He hopes poor Rupert cries and says he done the phone tapping of Chris Bryant because he loves his funny little face. However, Tom Watson will never be attractive, or charismatic, so maybe we should let him indulge himself. It's probably one of the few pleasures he gets now he no longer has access to the Government Wine Cellar.

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