15 July 2011

Thinking paper #29 – Are gingers more likely to crave the attention of antipodean billionaire media tycoons?

By Tim Massingberd-James

Abstract

Once, Rebekah Brooks was famous only for marrying Grant Mitchell. This week, she is the most famous ginger in the country, and is making headlines around the world, but are gingers more likely to crave the attention of antipodean billionaire media tycoons?


Schoolyard bullying

Gingers are often bullied at school, and independent IIPBA research shows this is even more likely if their fathers are tugboat drivers. As such, Rebekah Brooks might have faced a tough time during her days at Appleton Hall County Grammar School in Warrington, and this would have made her 189% more likely to crave the attention of a funny looking Australian who barely speaks.

The Grant Mitchell factor

Rebekah Brooks married Grant Mitchell in an Eastenders special double episode in June 2002, called “The Square goes to Vegas”. Dot Cotton was head bridesmaid. Brooks stared up at Grant's gurning face during sex until 2005, when she was arrested following an alleged assault on her husband. Putting up with Grant for three years is enough to make anyone to reach out for the attention of a Murdoch.

Phone Hacking

The papers say something about Rebekah Brooks and phone hacking. It is said that she and Grant conducted a plot to tap the phone of Billy Mitchell in order to procure crack for Phil Mitchell. Dot Cotton was head bridesmaid. Andy Coulson played Ian Beale's love interest, in a special double episode called “The Square listens to boring voicemails”. The Chief Constable of Walford Constabulary quit during Sunday night's episode, which was multicast live on Sky News and BBC News 24. Everyone scratched their heads and wondered who they were supposed to hate the most.

Conclusion

Like Mick Hucknall, Rebekah Brooks is a northern ginger, but there are lots of things for northern gingers to be happy about. The IIPBA thinks Brooks craves the Murdoch's attention because she has little personality and tired eyes. It has nothing to do with her gingerness.

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