18 January 2012

Thinking Paper # 214: The IIPBA’s rather late predictions for 2012

The year of the 2012 is well underway and according to that media it’s going to go off big time. The IIPBA gives you its thoughts on the major battles of the year ahead.

Ed Miliband vs. Himself

The list of people gunning for Ed Miliband is as long as an NHS White Paper but for the IIPBA, Ed's biggest problem is Ed.  The IIPBA has previously covered his annoying face and feels that it need not say more.  He looks silly.
1-0 Ed (o.g.)

Boris vs. Ken

He can't can he?  Our dear Roger covered the ins and the outs of this political struggle last year and the IIPBA executive have nothing much further to add. Essentially, Boris has adopted the old "place your name at the front of a big public policy scheme" strategy very effectively.  It doesn't matter that they haven't happened yet or that he never really had much to do with them in the first place, it really works: see Boris bikes, Boris buses and now Boris Island airport.   Get your act together Ken e.g. Ken's Kinder eggs (p.s. this needs working on)

1-0 Boris I'm afraid.
The Queen vs. Seb Coe

This years highest profile celebrity TV battle pit’s the Queen against Seb Coe. As we all know, the Queen represents your thinking man’s egalitarian dream and they don’t like it up em, good ol style British patriotism. Seb Coe on the other hand is a bit of a penis who says stuff like “East London’s gonna do right well out of a great big fuck off stadium and loads of multi-million pound corporate profits”. We’ll see Seb.

1-0 Queen.

Kim Jong Un vs.The World
Kim Jong Un is that fat lad who’s just taken over a country of 24 million malnourished people who believe him to be a God.  He and his Uncle Jang and Auntie Kim will want to continue his father’s tradition of cognac, pleasure squads and opulence. His starving people may not. Here’s rooting for the people of North Korea.

1-0 the North Korean people (we hope)

p.s. Phil Hammond is right good at tracking down and killing dictators. Current record = 100% success rate.
p.p.s. Did you know that Kim Jong Il’s favourite flower was the Begonia Kimjongilia. Well it’s true.

Animals vs. People

What with the end of bull fighting in Spain, bestiality in Sweden and the battery farming of Chickens in the EU, the IIPBA thinks that 2012 is looking pretty rosy for our under evolved cousins.

We particularly like the fact that Sweden has only just gotten around to legislating against bestiality. But our commiserations go out to those internet users who enjoy watching humans and animals make love. The new material available after 2012 is set to diminish I’m afraid.

1-0 Animals

Democracy and stuff vs. people like Vladimir Putin

With elections set to take place in Mexico, France, the US, Russia (ahem) and China (kind of - ahem) in 2012, the IIPBA’s democratic reform team is facing a busy year.

The IIPBA hopes to see a celebratory good riddance to Vladimir “Russia’s greatest love machine” Putin. And a warm hello to a second term Obama.  The other lot seem a little too crazy to be allowed to run a country.

1-0 to Democracy

Over and out.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Say things here...