Abstract
The weekly battle of wits between the political classes and the nation’s pub bores returns to our TV screens this evening. Please read the following carefully. Thank you.
Dimbers- David Dimbleby will struggle to keep the fear from his voice as he is forced to give details of the BBCQT “Twit…ter hash…tag”
- He will give details of “how to follow the comments on Ceefax”. Everyone will strain to remember what the point of Ceefax is.
- Mr Dimbleby will point out “the lady there in a pink blouse”. The camera will pan to a gentleman in a blue suit.
- Dimbleby will let a smug-looking man on the front row waffle on and then ask him a follow up question. He will look scared to death and make a mental note never again to shout “he didn’t answer the question!” while listening to the 0810 interview on the Today Programme.
- Tonight’s “9/11 Special” means there will be lots of inappropriate close-ups of audience members as the producers desperately hope someone will break down in tears.
- A “young person” will ask a question which makes a tangential point about “young people” and how the government is ignoring “the next generation”.
- An audience member will reference Saudi Arabia’s pleasingly low crime rate or how Enoch Powell has basically been proved right. Two people will applaud. Everyone else will look a bit uncomfortable.
- Do pass Go!, do collect £200, do scream “house!” if anyone says – in relation to the invasion of Iraq, the expenses scandal, the BBC’s decision to cancel One Man and His Dog – “It was all about oil!”
If you hang in there for an hour of Liam Fox and Bonnie Greer and don’t switch over to Channel 5 for the Celebrity Big Brother Final, you have won. Well done.
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